Hold Fast...

To everyone who's hurting

To those who've had enough

To all the undeserving

That should cover all of us

Please do not let go

I promise there is hope

Hold fast

Help is on the way

Hold fast

He's come to save the day

What I've learned in my life

One thing greater than my strife

Is His grasp

So hold fast

Will this season ever pass?

Can we stop this ride?

Will we see the sun at last?

Or could this be our lot in life?

Please do not let go

I promise you there's hope

You may think you're all alone

And there's no way that anyone could know

What you're going through

But if you only hear one thing

Just understand that we are all the same

Searching for the truth

The truth of what we're soon to face

Unless someone comes to take our place

Is there anyone?

All we want is to be free

Free from our captivity, Lord

Here He comes

Mmm. Mercyme. I love this song. I love mercyme actually. This post is going to be covered in their lyrics, so... ya, be prepared. 


I have to admit, I'm to the breaking point. 


At this point in my life, I have completely thrown myself into my school work. I have had such a hard time with just coping with life these past few days, that I'm not sure what to do.


I am physically, mentally, and spiritually exhausted. I have no idea which way is up, I'm absolutely worn out. I'm a slight mess. I'm also completely frustrated with my school about some things, and to top it off, today I had a walk down memory lane that wasn't so pleasant, complete with flashback. Lovely. 


I pretty much walked home, locked myself in my room, and had a minor breakdown this evening. I'm still not done, and I feel like I'm going to snap and start crying at any moment. I've had it. I have no energy, I can't seem to make my body come up with enough, I'm just sick and tired of feeling sick and tired, and feeling like I'm not worth anything, I'm sick of walking down the halls feeling like I live in a fishbowl because it seems like the entire school is watching me for some reason or another, I'm tired of hiding, I'm tired of fighting for my reputation, and honestly there is part of me that just wants to rewind this whole semester and do some things differently... not meet some people... not make some choices I made... 


The problem is, God has been giving me so much... and I have no idea why. And I know that the part of me that wishes this semester hadn't happened yet is being lied to completely. I know for a fact that the relationships I have are blossoming the way they are for a reason, even if the fact that they are is painful. I've healed this semester. I learned how to breathe, I learned how to fight... I learned how much I put God in a box... and as I was talking to my friend about this weekend, I have been given a... "fish" so to speak, that God has caught and is currently holding in front of my face. 


And now there is a problem with the problem. I'm so exhausted. I just want to sleep. I want to actually sleep, no dreams, no restlessness... I want to understand what exactly I'm supposed to do with this "fish" even if people are convinced that no matter what I do with it, God will bless my efforts. Part of me just wants to scream "I've only been a Christian for 3 years! I have no idea what I'm doing God, why did you choose me??? I can't do ANYTHING. I'm afraid, and I can't do this. Why does everyone else think I can?"


But I can't. I know what my "fish" is. Who ever said ignorance is bliss knew what they were talking about. 


Now for the explanation of the song lyrics. I thought of this song and realised that I am not alone in this. I have been standing with people who are going to walk this road with me. And Jesus is one of them. 


So now for the other song. (This is on the same album by the way)

No more boarding up my windows

So that I can lay low

Nobody's home

No more trying to run away from

Tired of being afraid of

What I can't control

The hardest part I'm always told

Is letting go

Safe and sound knowing that You're big enough to

Wrap around my heart completely

Safe and sound just knowing that You know me

I can finally set my heart free

Lost within the mystery

Of this love I've found

The hardest part I'm always told

Is letting go

The greatest part now I know

Is letting go 

Okay, so both of these songs have pretty much helped me a lot tonight, I'm not going into my explanation of why, because I need to sleep for class which starts in less then 9 hours. 


Hold fast... and Safe and Sound... Hmm. More Irony. Lovely. I was wondering when it would show up... 


Katydid out.