Hero?

"Hero"

No one sits with him, he doesn't fit in
But we feel like we do when we make fun of him
Cause you want to belong, do you go along?
Cause his pain is the price paid for you to belong
It's not like you hate him or want him to die
But maybe he goes home and thinks suicide
Or he comes back to school with a gun at his side
And a kindness from you might have saved his life
Heroes are made when you make a choice
You could be a hero - heroes do what's right
You could be a hero - you might save a life
You could be a hero- you could join the fight
For what's right, for what's right, for what's right

No one talks to her, she feels so alone
She's in too much pain to survive on her own
The hurt she can't handle overflows to a knife
She writes on her arm and wants to give up her life
Each day she goes on is a day that she's brave
Fighting the lie that giving up is the way
Each moment of courage her on life she saves
When she throws the pills out a hero is made

Heroes are made when you make a choice

You could be a hero - heroes do what's right
You could be a hero - you might save a life
You could be a hero- you could join the fight
For what's right, for what's right, for what's right

No one talks to him about how he lives
He thinks that the choices he makes are just his
Doesn't know he's the leader with the way he behaves
And others will follow the choices he's made
He lives on the edge, he's old enough to decide
His brother who wants to be him is just nine
He can do what he wants because it's his right
The choices he makes change a nine-year-old's life
You could be a hero
Heroes do what's right
You could be a hero
You might save a life
You could be a hero, You could join the fight
For what's right, for what's right 

~

Mmm. This song has challenged me for over 2 years now. When I was really struggling with what God was calling me to do, realizing that my home on the East Coast was probably not in the deal...and my music and photography weren't either. One of the hardest decisions of my life. 

Then into my life walks a kid we will call Adam. 

Now Adam had a few issues, and his family was pretty close with my family. This kid was picked on relentlessly by my church youth group, and took it like a man at the ages of 12-14. Then in fall 2007, as I took over my church's youth band, I began realizing that I was going to need a male voice for the youth band, since my friend be graduating next spring. 

Here was the thing, Adam, and another kid we'll call Brett, that picked on Adam, and drove me up the wall like Adam did, were the only two boys in our youth group that could sing. 

In my mind, Adam would be... easier. 

I went to Adam (without asking the rest of the youth band) and asked him if he wanted to sing for the youth band, and he excitedly turned to his mother... who looked at me in shock. Later, she pulled me aside, and said that I didn't have to do this, Adam had a choir voice, and while the youth band wasn't hardcore, we certainly weren't an organ and harp, ect. When I said I was sure (even though I wasn't, I just didn't want to spend 2 hours of my life every week with Brett), she gave me the biggest smile, and said thank you. 

This started something I never imagined. I began working with adam outside of the Band. I was already spending 6 hours of my life a week practicing myself, working on overheads, and getting everyone else ready. 

By the beginning of 2008 I was spending around 9 hours a week working with Adam, the band and working practices so that I could get his voice to our level. More then once I was pulled aside by various band members asking me why I put myself through so much. I would shrug my shoulders and bring up Brett (the band didn't like him any more then Adam) and mostly the questions would stop. 

I wouldn't ever stick up for him though. I would hold my tongue and never say anything harsh to him, but normally I would get upset about everything he did in practice, and finally, after I had gotten threats of having to fill out some forms, a 4 hour practice, and him breaking an outlet, I got fed up and ready to kick him out of the band. 

That next day, I was completely humbled. His mom came to me, and it turned out that Adam had told her about the practice and how frustrated I had been that we had been there so long and not done anything. 

She told me that Adam's friends thought he was lying about being in a youth band, because he had a choir voice, and how proud he was to talk about this great highschooler who had asked him to be the lead male vocals the next year... 

Then she told me something that changed my entire perspective completely. I will not share it, because it's not mine to tell. 

I went out to the parking lot, got into my car, sat at the steering wheel, and cried.

I didn't deserve this boy's admiration. He had been bragging about how great I was, how talented I was, and how nice I was... 

And I hadn't ever stood up for him. I was going to change that. 

The next performance, I chose my performers for the big gig we had at the end of the year. He was one of my choices. I will never forget his face when I told him I wanted him to sing. You'd have thought that I had just given him a million dollars. He ran off super excited, and all I thought was "Ok God I hope this was the right thing to do..." His mom came around the corner, and hugged me. "thank you, You have no idea what you have just done." I looked at the ecstatic kid behind her and remembered another 13 year old craving acceptance... "actually I think I do," was my response. 

After that choice, I began suffering for my choices. There were several members of the band who didn't approve of my choice. Finally, my friend dragged me aside, and asked me why I was putting myself through this... I said there were bigger things going on. By the end of the year, I had one member quit, I had to ask another to leave, and one of my band members was criticizing me for my choices and my no longer allowing them to talk about Adam. 

The year went by and the hours increased from 9 to 10 hours. My very last performance, I was on stage, and someone said something to Adam, I had a microphone to my face and I snapped at that person... turns out it was one of my very close friends, who had seen me in a temper before, and knew not to mess with me. 

At this point, everyone couldn't figure out why I would let this kid drive me nuts, and still risk my reputation, my sanity and my friendships for this kid. Also during this time, I was dealing with a whole list of other things, including college decisions, a really rocky relationship, my friend and I having a huge fight, and my own issues. 

Honestly, I didn't do anything. God granted me so much patience, and I was very humbled throughout this whole thing. 

The last time I saw Adam, right before I left for college, I was talking to him about the youth band. I was mentioning that I didn't expect the band to last much longer (it died less then 3 weeks after I left, as far as I know). 

He asked me if I was planning to lead it in the summer, and during my breaks. I looked at him and said I thought I couldn't commit to it, because I would have a lot on my plate. He looked very disappointed, and told me how wonderful it had been working with me in it. 

His mom came to me, smiled, told me I would be a wonderful addition to MBI Spokane, and thanked me for being her son's hero. 

I went home that day and thought..."Hero?"

I was just remembering another 13 year old who was made fun of, and was alone, and told they couldn't do something. 

I heard this song a few minutes ago and I thought of Adam. 

This is what I have to say... 

I was not Adam's hero. 

If anything he was mine. He challenged me, humbled me, broke me, and made me think about what was REALLY important. 

I'm no hero. But Adam has challenged me to be one. To break away from the crowd and reach out to the losers. I haven't been qualified as a "loser" since I got contacts, my braces off, and grew a bit... as well as learning how to play guitar, and a few other things that were kinda helpful. I was never "cool" either, and I never wanted to be. To this day I am still my oen breed. But, honestly I never wanted to go back to "loser". 

I wonder how many "losers" there would be if "winners" or "cool kids" would humble themselves enough to be Heroes. 

I know for every Adam, there isn't always someone like me, who God uses their twisted selfish reasons to make something beautiful. There is usually a Brett. There is usually my youth group... and in some cases, my band members. Why are we so concerned with our self image that we miss out on a great kid like Adam?

Several members of the band where talking to me 2 Christmases ago when his mother came up and gave me a christmas present. 

The people with me asked me after she left why they didn't get anything. 

I didn't answer truthfully. and I should have. 

So now I will. It's because Adam knew who was on his side, and who wasn't. More then once he overheard you giving me crap for letting him stay. 

Through that I became a hero in his eyes. Now I know my reasons all worked out to God's glory. I needed to realize that I didn't want to be a nomad, and shuffle for the rest of my life... I wanted to be a hero. 

So... what about the Adam's in your life??? I've found quite a few. 

Are you willing to risk it? You WILL get dirty.

Do you want to be a Hero?

I know I do. 

Katydid out.