Something old, something new...

Well I wrote this a while ago, and so for here it's old, but for me putting up something I've written myself is new for this so... I have it, we can deal with it, comments are appreciated... yeah. It's a promise and a reminder.

Wherever you go, always know I am here, 

When ever you fall always know I will pick you up

No matter how far you stray I will come after you and find you,

No matter what you've done I will always love you

If you are ever in danger I will rescue you

If you are ever sick I will take care of you

When your heart is broken I will comfort you

When you cannot go on, I will carry you through

When you feel invisible remember I can always see you

When you feel like no one cares remember you are never alone.

You mean everything to me and I love you

I gave my life for you because I love you

And only I alone can keep these promises

The world will fade, the time will pass.

But I am always...

No matter what.

Katydid out. 

Jesus Bring the Rain...

I've been here 1 month today! WOW! that's hard to believe! But today something really awesome happened...

it rained. Yep, you heard me.

I love it. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE rain. I woke up this morning in a rather... hmm... unpleasant state, and looked out the window and was very excited. Rain. It made my day so much better.

Yes I am an walking oxymoron, most people don't look at rain and think "oh now I know today will be great!" most people look at rain and think something along the lines of "whine, grumble, sigh, grumble, alsdjgalkdjfh (translate that yourself, I don't even know what it means), now I have to walk to school in the rain, ugh I'm so depressed ect, ect, ect." 

What about you? I know I am kind of a rare case when it come to rain. As I said before I love it. 

There is just something about standing or walking in the rain with your eyes closed (I tripped over a speed-bump this morning so I don't actually recommend walking with your eyes closed). I feel...peaceful. Or serene. I don't know how to describe it. It's beautiful. 

I wish the rain had lasted longer so I could have sat on my porch and watched and listened. Ah, it's glorious. It has such a wonderful sound and smell and feel. I love the feeling of rain on my skin. 

I want more then anything right now to feel God's presence. I felt a little grasp of it this morning. in a thing as simple as rain. Imagine that. I've been running about feeling restless, and all I needed was the rain. 

Hmm. How does God do that? I have said this so much in the past month and I will say it again. I am SO grateful that God is in control. Because I would have ruined my life more then I already have. It's such a wonderful feeling knowing that my focus is on the right things. Trials may come, but I am still His. And rain or shine, that is what matters.

Katydid out. 

Beautiful Lumps of Coal 2

So I hope you've read my last post, if not, oh well.

I have been realizing that I have been holding on to a rather large lump of coal for a while now. I've broken off bits and pieces to give to God, but I still have this massive lump, this awful hurt inside. I was challenged to get rid of it Friday night. 

I didn't realize how much I wanted to until Friday night around 11.30 pm. I sat down by a river at this camp we were at a retreat for, and leaned against this post, and cried. I needed to let go. But for some reason I haven't done it. For about a year now I have carried this stupid black ugly thing around getting myself filthy, and even hurting people around me. 

My heart still aches. I could have been rid of it a long time ago. 

So I am sitting there, crying out to God about this friendship I have that is utterly failed. For some reason I felt like I needed to continue to talk to this person. My head screamed at me that it was stupid, and I shouldn't even look back. Cutting myself off completely was -is- the smartest choice. My heart said no, let them know that you are moving on and forgiving. 

God brought this song to my mind, it's by Rob Thomas and it's from the movie Meet the Robinsons. 

Let it go, let it roll right off your shoulder, don't you know the hardest part is over...

I looked up at that point, and realized I was sitting, not against a post, but a rough wooden cross. 

Delicious Irony.  God loves it, I swear. I realized that I am just causing myself pain.

Then this song popped into my head. The line I started with last time. 

When coal is put under a lot of pressure, heat and is given time... it creates a diamond. I realized I had been chipping off little bits, giving them to God and being happy with tiny diamonds. God wanted to give me more, but I was happy with my dirty lump of coal. That's not what he wants for us. He was to hand us this massive Diamond and say "this is for you because I love you. This is what happens when you give me your burden. Beauty from pain."

As I realized that, I could almost feel him gently removing my fingers from my dirty lump of coal. I let it go. I don't want an ugly lump of coal anymore. I want something beautiful. I want God to take it and fix it up. Fix me up. Refine me...

Now comes the pressure and heat...and the waiting.  I'm not sure how long it will take, but I know God is just going to hand me back something more beautiful then what I gave him. It's a rags to riches kind of thing. I just have to be patient. I have to let God be in control. 

Here's the hard part. 

For some STUPID reason, I want the coal back. I know I am going to get something better. But God has it now. I am going to get something perfect and beautiful. And soon I will have a new lump of coal. I know that. I'm not stupid enough to think that I will only get one every so often. 

But, this time I know what to do with it. 

Katydid out. 

Beautiful Lumps of Coal 1

"we're all dealt our Lumps of Coal, What you do with it can turn beautiful." 

That above statement is from the song Nice Naïve and Beautiful. The Artist is Plumb, the entire album is good, I also recommend Candycoatedwaterdrops. 

Enough with the sales pitch. I really really love this song, and I will post the entire thing at the end. I really have been thinking a lot since my last posts. 

So anyway, I just got back from the student retreat. I was not expecting what happened. We were completely challenged in our faith. I was in tears usually by the end of every session. 

ONe of the things was dealing with Hurt, and this song popped into my head. it's late here so I don't really have much to say, but I think this is pretty thought provoking. 

She's only known heartache and pain

But she's never known pain like this

She stands alone defending her name

When all that she's done is be who she is

Well is it so wrong to be who we are

When all she's done is fail

Cause she's so nice, naïve and beautiful

Why does she get taken advantage

Why does she live in a world so cold

She takes advantage of the nice, naïve and the beautiful

Cold is the throne of her hardened heart

No one has seen the softest part

Day after night she holds an ache

And won't budge to show this secret place

Well is it so wrong to hang on to hurt

Maybe she could set it free

Cause she's so nice, naïve and beautiful

Why did she get taken for granted

Why did she live in a world so cold

He took advantage of the nice, naïve and the beautiful

If you've been there you know

If you're still there hang on

We're all dealt our lumps of coal

What you do with it can turn beautiful

Well there's a life outside of this madness

And there's a face behind every scar

But there's a love overflowing with gladness

Get out of that place that's restraining your love

I said get out of that place

that's restraining your love

The Bridge is the really important part. Just mill over that a bit. I'll post part two Monday

Katydid out

A New List

I'm not going to mince words, or tell you the entire story behind this list. Just read it. This is just somethings I wish I could say, but don't know how too. this is not all one person by the way...

THANK YOU...

A- For everything you've done, the hope the prayers the gifts, the laughter... How I wish you could share this with me. ~For the many private jokes and crazy looks and stupid stuff we will never regret doing. ~For teaching me how to love an "unlovable" ~For always considering me ~For being exactly where God wanted you and telling me what I needed to hear. ~ For caring and being there when I need you.

B- For showing me that every relationship is worth working hard for ~For the promise

C- For laughter, love, stupid midnight chats about dumb stuff that we never truly ever remember in the morning. ~for showing me what it is to work hard, and want something ~for giving me a chance to be in your life ~For letting me spout "Christianese"at you.  ~for just being you ~ For your smile

D- For teaching me about true friendship, and how it's a two way street, about forgiveness, and the healing power it brings. ~for telling me the truth ~for not letting me get away with lying to myself

E- For everything you have forgiven, and for the constant grace you have shown me.

G- for knowing when something was wrong

H- For never believing me when I said I was "Fine" for always listening ~for showing me your mask so I had the courage to take mine off. ~for made-up words

I- for goofy things that only you and I would get, and for being who you are no matter what anyone says. 

J-for teaching me how to live on the edge ~for pressuring me, so that someday I could stand on my own. 

K- For showing me how to love in spite of your own trials. ~for listening ~ For your bright smile and hugs when I needed them ~for being a prayerful, honest, but blunt friend. ~for dealing with my tears. 

L- For your laughter and honesty. ~for your humble gentle spirit ~for apologizing

M- For teaching me how to grow up, and how to chase after what I wanted. ~for showing me how to love unconditionally. ~for showing me the dangers of wanting the wrong thing for my life

N- for the old days. I'll never forget them.

O- For teaching me how to be me. 

P- for being you, and teaching me humbleness, and joy, and odd contests. 

R- For asking.

S- for everything. I can't even go into what you have done for me ~for teaching my that friendship and forgiveness are inseparable. ~for being there when I needed you

T- For teaching me that love is different, and not something to be thrown around, and it truly is a verb ~for getting me out of my comfort zone ~for your little wisdom, and your charming bright smile. ~ For teaching me that I have the best family I could ever ask for, and for telling me more then what I wanted as an answer to my question. ~for the lesson that what God wills is more important then what I want. ~for giving me the chance to prove that doing the right thing pays off, even if it hurts you for a time. 

V- For listening. 

W- For telling me the truth, even when I wouldn't listen. ~ For Showing me that true life isn't worth anything unless you have Christ, and that if you really want to live, and if you really want to make the most out of it, you have to give it all up. 

I guess that is all for me to say...

Katydid out

Serenity, Courage... and Wisdom.

So I will admit to you that I have been major distracted.

I have this feeling that God is showing me more then what I am looking at. I don't really understand. 

Part of me is crying out because of this feeling, I can't shake it, and I don't understand why I even feel this way. And I know my heart is still being refined, but it's not my place to worry about it. I know that. So why doesn't that make me feel better? 

I have this little prayer by my Laptop. It's in a little frame, and it's labeled Serenity Prayer.

God, grant me the SERENITY to accept the things I cannot change. COURAGE to change the things I can, and WISDOM to know the difference. 

Right now I will take any of the three. Serenity would be nice though. For those of you [like me] who have no idea what the flip Serenity means it means calm and peaceful (thank God for Webster). Right now I would be grateful for that. 

Courage: I know that I don't have enough and you hear this statement all of the time, but courage doesn't mean that you waltz into war and are unafraid. 

Mark Twain (who is BRILLIANT by the way) explained courage as follows: Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear.

Wisdom: The bible says in Proverbs that wisdom is a jewel, a treasure. Right now I would dearly love to get my hands on some. 

So where does that leave me? As a matter of fact, where does that leave all of us? Based on my experience, I am never going though anything alone. I am not the first to experience this feeling of... doubt, a slight fear... just lack of confidence. It's not even the first time I have ever felt this way...

But it's the first time I have felt God saying to me.  "Hey, this isn't your burden. You gave all that to me a while ago remember?" 

So I repeat my above question; Why don't I feel better? I have NOTHING to fear. God has it all in control... 

So why do I feel like my mask is coming back? 

Hmm. Maybe I'm thinking too hard. 

I'll keep ya'll posted when I figure it out. 

Katydid out. 

The Road Goes Ever On and On....

Hey All! It's been a while...

I have been so blessed since my last blog post. People have been becoming parts of my life that I can't even understand. My best friend and I have now known each other for 18 years and 1 day. :) I love her so much. Someone I met on my missions trip has changed most of my perspective of myself, and my housemates are an awesome blessing in and of themselves. 

However evident God's grace is, I've still been struggling with some things the past few weeks and thought about writing a blog post, but never got around to it. I plan to because once my homework gets in  full swing, I shall not have time to write. Anyway, even with all that is currently going on in my life, I really have been trying to refocus. I don't feel like displaying my entire history all over the internet, so I won't go into details but I really should have been writing more then I have been for my own feelings sake. 

Right now I have to admit (and I thought about it last night for a while, too) but I am trying to find out what God wants for me. Kinda silly I know. I just have been really wondering. I mean here I am 2500 miles away from home, and I am at my first choice of college and so confused.  Before I came out here I had all of these goals, and some of them have been twisted and a couple blew up in my face. This has been happening since the car accident, and I have now decided to coin the phrase as "Delicious Irony" but I am getting rather sick of it. God seems to like scattering my life with it. Oh well, it keeps it interesting. I guess. 

I just reread that and realized that what I really need to do is focus. Not on my stupid goals, or whatever I thought I was going to do here,  I just need to remember that I have a purpose here and that main purpose is to fall more in love with my Father. Not to figure out my whole life. The path I am on currently is the right one, and I know it beyond a shadow of a doubt. And for heaven's sake I'm 18 years old! Do I honestly NEED to know EXACTLY where my life is going?????

I didn't think so either.

The verse for Jeremiah 29:11 keeps coming to mind; 

"For I know the Plans I have for you," Says the Lord "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."

But wait there's more!

~Jeremiah 29:12-13

"Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all of your heart."

~Psalms 33:11

But the plans of the LORD stand firm forever, the purposes of his heart through all generations.

~Proverbs 16:3

Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed.

And the list goes on, and on and on. So in other words no matter what I plan, it's not my place to worry about. I have to seek God and commit myself to him. If only that was as easy as sitting here saying so. Hmm. 

Well I hope I've given you something to think about as well. 

Katydid out.