So I will admit to you that I have been major distracted.
I have this feeling that God is showing me more then what I am looking at. I don't really understand.
Part of me is crying out because of this feeling, I can't shake it, and I don't understand why I even feel this way. And I know my heart is still being refined, but it's not my place to worry about it. I know that. So why doesn't that make me feel better?
I have this little prayer by my Laptop. It's in a little frame, and it's labeled Serenity Prayer.
God, grant me the SERENITY to accept the things I cannot change. COURAGE to change the things I can, and WISDOM to know the difference.
Right now I will take any of the three. Serenity would be nice though. For those of you [like me] who have no idea what the flip Serenity means it means calm and peaceful (thank God for Webster). Right now I would be grateful for that.
Courage: I know that I don't have enough and you hear this statement all of the time, but courage doesn't mean that you waltz into war and are unafraid.
Mark Twain (who is BRILLIANT by the way) explained courage as follows: Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear.
Wisdom: The bible says in Proverbs that wisdom is a jewel, a treasure. Right now I would dearly love to get my hands on some.
So where does that leave me? As a matter of fact, where does that leave all of us? Based on my experience, I am never going though anything alone. I am not the first to experience this feeling of... doubt, a slight fear... just lack of confidence. It's not even the first time I have ever felt this way...
But it's the first time I have felt God saying to me. "Hey, this isn't your burden. You gave all that to me a while ago remember?"
So I repeat my above question; Why don't I feel better? I have NOTHING to fear. God has it all in control...
So why do I feel like my mask is coming back?
Hmm. Maybe I'm thinking too hard.
I'll keep ya'll posted when I figure it out.
Katydid out.
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