As Some Heavy Stuff Comes Back to Haunt Me 1

So... there are a few milestones in my life coming up. The closest is on March 15th. The other is March 17th. The best and worst days of my life. But I shall post more of them on those days. 


Let's just say that I have quite a story... but recent events (last semester) mainly have been causing me to place things in proper perspective. But as I said, there is a story behind it that shall come later. 


Today I was just thinking about some detail oriented things, just because that is how I treat everything. And  for those of you who follow my blog, you know I love the meaning of words. So here is the newest one. 


Salvation:–noun

1.

the act of saving or protecting from harm, risk, loss, destruction, etc.

2.

the state of being saved or protected from harm, risk, etc.

3.

a source, cause, or means of being saved or protected from harm, risk, etc.

4.

Theology. deliverance from the power and penalty of sin; redemption.

Now, the inspiration for the selection of this word is from my favorite Psalm (27 for those of you wondering minds :) ). The 1st Verse is "The Lord is my Light and My salvation, whom shall I fear?"


I have to admit. Sometimes I come across as fearless to some people. It's not the case... a line from a poem I wrote last semester states this:

It's not going to go away unless I face it. 

I'm told be strong, but the truth really is 

there is a difference between strength and survival. 

But it takes all my strength to survive. 

This poem is not as depressing as it sounds. I promise. I was rereading it yesterday, and I think that's one of the things that has really been hitting me. How vulnerable I really am... and how terrible. My own realizations have been coming up to slap me in the face... I'll be completely honest, this past week sucked. I hate going through a week living through my mask because of terrible memories.


So... I've been frustrated, I owe several apologies because I've been snippy and rude, and I am to the point where if I don't laugh, I'm going to cry, because around this time of year is already pretty brutal, and I don't need more, but I'm getting it. 


But the good news. I found out tonight that God can speak through mindless homework assignments. Like writing down the history of the book. I was working on my homework, and I had to write down the meaning of the passage. Out of nowhere (this is TOTALLY God) I wrote: This passage.... points to the glory of God, even in seeming devastation. 


I looked at my friend and just grinned. This made my week. Honestly... so I thought of this verse... and then looked up the words... And was totally blown away.... Salvation... if you notice, every single one really relates back the the greatest gift we ever will recieve in our lives. Not a day goes by that I realize more and more the reality of my own darkness... one of my housemates mentioned the fact when we were having breakfast this past tuesday morning that (and forgive me if I quote you wrongly) "The brighter His light gets, the more obvious our sin becomes."


How true this is... but I'll go more into that on Wednesday. Lets just say I look back on my life... and I have regret. So much... and I realised how much of it I really carried into this year... Oh, my life, it's so discouraging. But again more on that later... 


 This is going to be one of those cliff hanger blogs until Monday, when I'm going to go deeper into this subject, tell a story, and pretty much spill my guts all over the internet... 


This could get messy. 


Katydid out. 


*Definitions from dictionary.reference.com