Venting.

Yes tonight I am going to be one of those angry bloggers.


Wondering why? Well, I'm just rather frustrated with God and life.


I found out that my friend, who I thought I was making a difference in (he's not a Christian) de-friended me on facebook. Yeah it's kinda mindless, but I was so upset. Here is a friend who I treat like family, who doesn't believe the same as I do, and I thought that I was ministering to him, and setting a good example...
So. frustrating.


Honestly, I think the part that upsets me the most is I don't know why. I can't help thinking that maybe it was a mistake on my part. Maybe I wasn't going about it the right way... Maybe it was the distance...


*sigh* I don't know...


And the other main thing.


I found out that a young mother of 2 daughters died.


I didn't know her, but my family does.


My heart breaks, I can't imagine losing my mother... and I've had over 18 years...


And at this point, I'm asking why. And so I am writing getting my feelings out. I had a post that I was working on earlier, but I won't post it until later.


I want some answers God. And I know I'm not going to get them but I still want them.


I hate the fact that I struggle with this all of the time. I always want to fix everything. And the issue is I wish I had the answer  but I don't. I wish I knew what was going on and I don't.


Be glad I'm not God. Because I am WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY too impatient. I can't imagine being Him.


The reality of that just hit me.


God sees people die all the time.
People he knows intimately, people who rejected him. People he loves, and that He sent His son to die for. And they die not knowing Him.


Besides that he watches people who claim to carry his name destroy it everyday. People like me. I don't even want to think about how often I mar the name of Christ. I drag it through the dirt and make it as foul as I used to be...




Well this was unsuccessful, all I did was give myself more to think about.
Maybe I'll have more insight after devotions later...


Katydid out.