Christmas Revelations...

This is what I was working on before my rant yesterday.
~

So here I am again.

A new Semester, and yet another new experience. Today I had my second class.. Well, technically it's my third, I completed European Reformations in 9 days... that was intense. 

I was thinking today about a general revelation I had over Christmas break. 

Dating. 

Yeah, for those of you that keep up, the day after my birthday I wrote something about the purity rings I have had in the past 4 years. Well, I am going to tell a little story about something my mom told me when I was 13. She said she say me marrying a certain type of guy (that I will not mention on here due to the questioning I shall get). Well with where I was at that time, I was thinking something also the lines of "yeah right, you're insane, you are so wrong," You know when you are 13 and think you know everything (hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)????

Well...now I have aged in wisdom (and in general). I have a certain...maturity that I didn't have when I was a new teen. I asked my mother if she remembered that conversation, and she said yes. I looked at her and said that now that I am to the point where most of my friends are getting into serious relationships and getting engaged ect, the qualities of the guy I am praying for are... exactly what she said when I was 13. 

She laughed at me in the mom way of saying "I told you so". 

So anyways, I was out walking at around 2 am during the snow storm that we had on December 19th because I was up and felt like it, and then it just hit me how far I have come in the past 5 years.

Anyone who knew the surface, cannot see the difference. 

But I know.

I think in my life, I've only had 1 thing that could even be considered a crush. Because I was trying to hide from another guy, and pretend about that. It didn't work... We'll leave it at that. 

So I have no good experience myself in the relationship department. 

But I have been watching my best friend, (who celebrated her 6th month of courting a week ago) and her boyfriend. 

I want the kind of relationship they have. Whenever I see them together, I can just tell. It's one instances of having two people how want to serve God and glorify him in everything they do, apart and as a couple. They just seem to work better together then apart. They accomplish more, and though apart they are two, together they are one. 

Then, I began thinking of the other relationship, that I mentioned above. I have only recently recovered from that relationship. It's been wonderful living again... I have my life back. I was walking in snow relishing them falling on my eyelashes, and singing again... at 2 am in the morning. 

Then I was thinking (I did a lot of thinking) about 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant ⁵or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; ⁶it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.⁷ Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. ⁸Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away.

It was refreshing. I was thinking about how I am so ready for someone to love me like this. God already does. I know I want to love like this. Then I began thinking about Proverbs 31. I won't give you the whole passage but here is a bit.  (31:10-12)

¹⁰ An excellent wife who can find? 

She is far more precious than jewels. 

¹¹The heart of her husband trusts in her, 

and he will have no lack of gain. ¹²She does him good, and not harm

 all the days of her life.

The passage goes on the describe an ideal woman of God... 


Then it hit me. Have you ever had the experience that in your thoughts, you are running ahead and everything is fine, and then you hit a brick wall? Yeah, that's what I did. 


I don't want to get into a relationship right now. Actually Let me rephrase that. I do. But I can't. Why? Read the passage again. 


I am not any of those things. Let me give this to you straight. This love is REAL. Straight up, honest, real Love. Love that would serve, and humble it's-self, and die for another... even an enemy. Love that cares more deeply for another no matter what, even when the person is an utter pain in the rear. It's the Love God exhibits for us Every Day. This kind of woman is rare. This is back when Men were called to be Chivalrous and Women were called to be Noble. She brings glory to her husband. 


I can't give that yet. I'm not ready. I have now reached the age that I realized that I really know nothing. And I am really immature in this area. Actually in general. Nothing against the people who love Spongebob and footie Pjs. I do too. But in my attitude... Oh my life... it's rather sad. I had only recently come to the realization that I needed to respect my parents more... now this... 


To top all of this off, I am still so wrapped up in everything I want to do that even if I met someone I highly doubt I would be willing to give up my dreams for. And personally I'm not looking for a boyfriend just so that I can "be normal" as one of my friends so... 'eloquently' put it. 


I want to get it right on the first try. Even though it means I have to wait a while. I want to be a Proverbs 31 woman. I'm most certainly not planning on jumping into anything anytime soon. God has a lot of work to do in me. And I plan on waiting until He shows me I am finished. I don't expect to be 'done' for years. 


I mean really. I'm 18 years old. God has already given me more experiences and opportunities then most.  I have a stellar family, I go to an amazing school, and I have met some amazing God-fearing people who  draw me closer to Him every day. I have all I need. An awesome God, and people he has placed in my life to make me even better... they already have... I would list them... but I honestly would need a whole other blog just to describe how wonderful they are. :) 


Back to my epiphany. It was actually really funny. Here I am standing in the snow, praying about the conversation I had with my mother, and God goes "Guess what? Your not ready!!!!!" 


I hope none of my neighbors were outside and could hear me laughing... I had to lie down in the snow (I had now reached the point where everything was hysterically funny). 


Again. Irony... I need to write another post on Delicious Irony... 


Well I think I've exhausted my supply of what I have to say for tonight, so... goodnight for now.


Katydid out